


I'm trapped in an infinite darkness (so hold my hand, I'll be your light)

by elliezwilliams



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Azula & Zuko (Avatar) Have a Good Relationship, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, F/F, F/M, Headcanon, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Lesbian Ty Lee (Avatar), POV Azula (Avatar), POV Third Person, Post-Canon, Redeemed Azula, azula feels so lonely someone please hug her, maiko (but not that much), maiko wedding, this was supposed to be solely a tyzula one-shot but it became more about azula and what about it, ty lee is adorable please I love her, young adult azula, young adult gaang, young adult ty lee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliezwilliams/pseuds/elliezwilliams
Summary: Azula returned to the palace with the purpose of changing and being a better person. However, instead of having a normal life with her brother and the girls she used to call friends, the firebender isolated herself in her dark thoughts, preventing herself from feeling she deserved to achieve happiness.On the other hand, Zuko and Ty Lee were willing to help her and show how much she mattered. Zuko, a loyal brother that couldn't be more happy with his little sister back. And Ty Lee, the sweet acrobat that, despite everything that happened, would not allow the girl she lov-... Her friend to stay forever in a place that no one should be.
Relationships: Aang & Azula (Avatar), Azula & Katara (Avatar), Azula & Mai (Avatar), Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar) mentioned
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	I'm trapped in an infinite darkness (so hold my hand, I'll be your light)

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, this was supposed to be a tyzula one-shot about them in a ball or something like this. and dancing... but I don't know what happened and I still don't know how to feel about what this became, but here it is.

Azula was walking through the palace, observing the corridors, the shades of red and the decoration, remembering how everything was back in the days when she was a respected princess. A feared member from the Fire Nation royalty who always had a way to be on the top.

But that was nothing but the past.

Now, the princess felt more like a stranger. She didn’t have power over the guards, whose opinions about her were between “you should’ve never come back” and “she will go crazy again and fry all of us”. Even though, one employee or another tried to tempt her to take over her brother’s throne and “make the Fire Nation great again”. Their words. Not hers.

She couldn’t leave the place without permission and supervision. That’s what the girl and her brother, now also recognized as the Fire Lord, agreed to. She barely talked to Mai, someone who used to be one of her closest friends. They found a way to live under the same roof without starting any conflicts. Not that Azula wanted to fight her, but Mai’s words to the young woman and thoughts about her weren’t very kind. Which was understandable. So, they just pretended the other one wasn’t there. Zuko deserved to live in a place where two women that mattered a lot for him didn’t argue any time they saw each other.

She had to take deep breaths and be as stronger as she could when her mother, who was living there too, was around. It still was an open wound on Azula’s mind, especially with Kiyi there. A new daughter. The little girl that Ursa always wanted. Someone who wasn’t a monster like Azula. Two people who would always be there to remind her everything the others wanted her to be as she grew up. A good daughter. A good sister. A good _person_.

She basically stopped bending. There was no point on doing that anymore. But a few months ago Zuko called Azula to practice firebending with him. And their practicing time became the time of the day when they were able to bond and get closer. Somehow, even with Mai, the Kyoshi Warriors and everyone else’s protests, they practiced their firebending together. And alone. Zuko’s wishes.

She was finding it difficult to speak naturally with Ty Lee. The Kyoshi Warrior, for some reason, always tried to get closer to the the firebender again, claiming she missed her and didn’t care if the others wanted to stay away from her. Ty Lee said she wasn’t afraid of her and would do anything she could to help Azula. She wanted to see her friend healed and feeling better again. But unfortunately, for some reason Azula never truly opened herself to her — or anyone. The princess only talked the necessary, which seemed to be enough for Ty Lee.

Anyway, that was her life now. Azula was just someone else living in the castle. Even with the caring of Zuko and Ty Lee, she never felt filled. Actually, she never _felt_ something. The firebender was drowned in an infinite emptiness. Not that she wasn’t grateful for everyone around her, because she was. But Azula just couldn’t see what other people saw. Why should she be happy? Or relieved? Or peaceful? The princess only had this title because it was her right, but she didn’t have any princess duties or anything. She didn’t have friends besides Ty Lee and Zuko, who was her brother, so she didn’t know if he counted. Several people saw her as a monster, as someone who should go back to the straitjacket and be thrown in the deepest of the holes. And the ones who praised her old self, were ashamed that she just “gave up” her father’s ideals. So, yes, the girl was in the process to redeem herself, but at what cost? What was the point?

All that even after six months in the castle. Six months after Azula let Zuko found her during an — almost — new mental breakdown. She was again becoming unstable, but not like the last time. This time she started seeing things differently. Realized how much she was alone and above everything, _lonely_. She didn’t want to hurt anyone but herself.

Then, Zuko offered help. Again. And she accepted. She went with him and was receiving a decent treatment. Her brother didn’t want to commit the same mistakes as before, so he didn’t allow people to just contain her with a straitjacket and a small cell, pretending it was correct. Now, Azula was seeing someone and never acted like a threat. Although, she was finding it hard to talk about what was going on in her head. As usual.

But again, she was grateful for her brother. For some reason, he never treated her badly during her stay there. And she always behaved. She owned him this.

With all this in mind every second of every day, Azula headed to her bedroom to do whatever she could do at the moment. There wasn’t many stuff to do there, since she didn’t deal with political matters anymore. So, sometimes she would read a book or just find something random to do. However, most of the times things were boring.

She was lied down on her bed staring at some formal invitation in her hands. Zuko and Mai’s wedding invitation that, for some reason, ended up in her hands. Azula knew that Mai wasn’t very comfortable with that, even if she didn’t see the girl’s reaction about this, since they never talked about it. Or anything. But Zuko probably insisted and, with a deep breath, Mai decided to give in. Yeah, Azula was certain that it had happened like this. Or almost.

Nevertheless, she didn’t know if she was going to be there. Of course, it was in the palace, so it would be only a few meters of her bedroom, but… Was the firebender really necessary there? After everything that happened, would be a good idea for Azula to show up in a place full of people from other nations and Zuko’s friends? Including the young boy (that wasn’t a child anymore) that she killed without even thinking? Why would Zuko want her there? Did he want revenge? To humiliate her in front of those people? No… Zuko wasn’t like that. Azula was sure he wasn’t planning anything that wasn’t putting a ring on Mai’s finger and dance with her at the party. But he wasn’t dumb. He knew that everyone there had a reason to dislike her. And he still invited her. The Fire Lord was doing everything he could to make Azula feel part of all of that again.

The girl heard someone knocking the door and after allowing the person’s entrance, she saw Ty Lee entering the room and going to Azula’s direction. The Kyoshi Warrior wasn’t with her uniform and makeup; she was only wearing her regular pink clothes.

“Hey, Azula.” The acrobat smiled and sat on the bed.

Azula was still staring the piece of paper in her hands. She probably decorated every single detail of it “Hello, Ty Lee.”

“So…” Ty Lee sighed and pressed her lips after seeing what Azula was holding “Have you decided already?”

“I don’t know.” Azula put the invitation by her side and stared at the top of her bed “And even if I go, I don’t know if I’ll stay longer than necessary.”

Ty Lee’s eyes seemed sad for a moment “I see. But it would be nice if you- wait. Is that your dress?” She asked looking at some dressed mannequin on the other side of the room. Azula nodded and Ty Lee excitedly ran to it “Oh, it’s marvelous, Azula!” The Kyoshi Warrior stayed behind the mannequin and looked at her friend “Come on. You would be the most gorgeous person there! After Mai, at least. Because her wedding dress is just… Wow.”

“Good. Mai not appreciating my presence there is more than enough. Stealing her moment isn’t something that I can deal right now. Even if it’s unintentionally.” Azula said directly “Besides, Zuko just insisted me to have a new dress for the event. Just in case. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be there.”

Still behind the dress, Ty Lee pushed the object closer to Azula, who was still in the same position “Hey…” She said softly “It would be nice to have you at the wedding. Zuko would appreciate your presence… _I_ would appreciate your presence.” The young woman sighed “Maybe we could go together. I got your back.”

“We- we are currently living in the same place, Ty Lee. We would go together no matter what.” Azula said raising an eyebrow, but she knew Ty Lee was trying to make Azula stop thinking about the reasons she shouldn’t go.

“I know, but I’m saying that I would make you company there. As I said, I got your back.” She replied nervously.

“You shouldn’t waste your entire night exclusively with me. There will be a lot of people and honestly I-” Azula said dryly but interrupted herself and exhaled, then stayed silent for a few seconds. She put her fingers on her forehead, trying to pretend there wasn’t a headache coming and massaged it while closing her eyes. The young woman sat and finally looked in Ty Lee’s eyes “Sorry. Would you stop insisting if I said I would think about it?”

“Yes! I can take that for now.” She smiled and approached Azula, and hugged her. “Thank you” Ty lee said after they finished the hug and held the princess’ hands.

“Don’t be so hopeful, Ty Lee.” Azula said “It’s not a promise. And I’m still not in the mood… But again, I’ll think about it.” She forced a weak smile.

“Small progress is still progress.” The acrobat said with her eyes glowing.

They stayed there for a while talking. Well, mostly Ty Lee. Azula became more of a listener than a talker. She didn’t have much to talk now. This was her new normal. But it was good sometimes. Ty Lee liked to talk and for some reason she still liked Azula, so it was a win for everyone.

Ty Lee. Why was she still there? Why was she helping Azula, hanging out with her a talking to her normally even after everything? Why was she acting without any resentment even after Azula literally thrown her in prison? At first, the acrobat hesitated a little because she didn’t know how Azula was when she came back to the palace, but then the girl didn’t even think twice when she realized her old friend truly meant what she said about wanting a new beginning. Ty Lee wasn’t scared or angry. Although, Azula knew the Kyoshi Warrior had a lot of feelings about her attitudes and everything else locked up somewhere in her heart. But somehow she decided to give her a chance. Why? She had every right to hate Azula and never wanting to see her ever again. Or to never forgive her.

But that wasn’t Ty Lee. She has always been the heart of the group. The joy and the light that not even Mai’s boredom or Azula’s mean words could extinguish. And even after a life of Azula not being always the best of the friends, she had been there for her all the time and had always loved her. Even now. Even now, when they weren’t children anymore, but young adults. Even now, when everyone couldn’t stare at Azula. Even now, when the firebender decided to lock herself inside an infinite and hard dome because she didn’t see herself as worthy of showing what she felt or being happy, worthy of empathy or sympathy. Even now, when things weren’t supposed to be darker, but were.

And with all of these things combined, Ty Lee seemed to disagree with that. Not that they ever talked about it. But the way she acted always showed the contrary of Azula’s thoughts. Just as Zuko.

After Ty Lee left for her night shift, Azula waited until it was dinner time. She always had her meals in her bedroom, because it was weird being in the presence of her mother and her new family, and Mai. The atmosphere among them wasn’t natural. Once Azula gave a chance, at Zuko’s birthday. He decided to have a small lunch with his family since, wanting or not, he had to throw a party at night and invite important people. Fire Lord stuff. The thing is, it didn’t work for Azula. She and Mai behaved, for Zuko’s wellbeing, but she still wasn’t ready for things like that. Her mother, Kiyi, Mai dryly “forgetting” her existence and Azula’s own thoughts. Not even Ty Lee’s presence or Zuko’s enthusiasm with her sister there helped. So, after that day, she just isolated herself more in her bedroom. It was her physical dome. One for feelings, other for people.

When her food came, Azula started eating with no hurry by the window. She liked to observe the landscape and feel the breeze. And since Ty Lee wasn’t there with her (the girl basically always had her meals with Azula when she could), she didn’t need to force herself to eat more than her stomach could take. Perhaps the repressed feelings affected her body.

*******

Azula woke up and went to the training room after breakfast. It was one of the days when she practiced firebending and other fighting skills with Zuko. He always tried to schedule specific days and specific times for them, but even if it worked out most of the times, being a Fire Lord could be unpredictable. Like today. Azula received a message of her brother that was brought with her breakfast saying that that was his only free time of the day.

When she arrived there, he was already waiting for her. Azula didn’t know what was weirder, seeing him extremely formal with his Fire Lord’s outfits or wearing normal practicing clothes, since… Well, now he was the Fire Lord.

“Good morning, Azula.” Zuko started and got up “I hope the breakfast gave enough energy for you. I don’t want to go soft on you.” He smirked.

“Good morning, Zuko.” Azula replied “It’s really bold of you to assume that you need to go soft on me. Four months doing this and you still haven’t learned.”

He stood in front of her sister and they positioned “Well, I know you like to be challenged.”

The fire siblings stretched out and then started fighting. This time they weren’t bending, just practicing techniques and improving themselves. Meanwhile, they talked and teased each other. Azula still was getting used to it. When they started doing this, months ago, two months after Azula return to the palace, the young woman barely talked to him. She didn’t know what was the right or the wrong thing to say. But with time and Zuko’s patience, she became more comfortable with the situation. Not that she actually talked as much as the old Azula used to, but she felt freely to speak a little bit more. Freely to even tease her brother and, sometimes call him _Zuzu_ again.

But this was only there.

“I think you would like to know that…” Azula started while dodging her brother’s hits “… The chances of me showing up there are more in your favor now.”

Zuko got surprised and because of that, Azula could hit his leg “Oh. Really?” She nodded. He wasn’t expecting her sister to talk about his marriage “That’s great, Azula. I can’t wait to see you there.”

“Yeah, I kind of promised Ty Lee I would think about it.” She was in advantage now, almost exhausting her brother “But as I said to her, don’t get too excited, brother. It’s not a promise.”

“I don’t mind.” The Fire Lord answered frowning because of the effort he had to do to keep up with Azula’s movements “An _I will think about it_ is way better than _I don’t think I’m going_. Who knows? You might even dance there.”

Now it was time for Azula to get surprised. Dance? Getting everyone’s attention? She wasn’t planning that. The girl suddenly lowered down her guard after her brother’s words right when he made a movement to made her fall. He normally wouldn’t succeed, especially because Azula would definitely predict that and already had advantage. But what she didn’t predicted was this thought of his, and Zuko also didn’t know that such harmless words would cause that kind of impact. So, the girl not only found herself on the ground but also didn’t manage to fell properly.

He stood down to check her “Are you okay, Azula? I’m sorry.”

Azula exhaled before looking at him “Yes. Don’t mind me.” Then she saw Zuko’s hand offering help and held it “Thanks.”

“Was there anything wrong with what I said?” Zuko bit his lips.

“No. Of course not.” She looked everywhere but her brother’s eyes for a second “But I’ll let this dance thing with you, your future wife and the others. I don’t want to show everyone that I’m better than you even at this, Zuzu.” The princess forced a smile. She could feel her heartbeats and right now it wasn’t exclusively because of their training.

“Of course not.” He laughed and blinked “But the offer will always be open.”

Their practice lasted for one more hour, and then Zuko went to clean himself and do whatever he had to do as a Fire Lord on that day. Azula, on the other hand, picked up a random book in the library and went near the turtleducks to read it. She thought she could use some air and the weather was good, so the firebender stayed there until lunch time, which made her go back to her room and follow her regular routine of meals.

As usual, Ty Lee showed up to eat with her, but didn’t stay much longer because of her Kyoshi Warrior duties. Things were more and more stable at the capitol and Zuko wasn’t that much of a target anymore, so Azula wondered if it was a matter of time until they went back to Kyoshi Island. And if that happened, it would mean that Ty Lee wouldn’t be there anymore. Azula’s social circle would get smaller than it already was. So, she had to enjoy the time she had. In her own way.

*******

Azula thought about if whether she would go or not and decided to give in. She would allow herself to try to have a good moment, even with the current circumstances. Zuko couldn’t contain himself and hugged her after the news, and Ty Lee’s eyes were glowing so much and her smile was so big that if Azula didn’t know her, she would worry about the girl. But none of this made her less nervous. In fact, it only made her more nervous, because she didn’t want to make a scene or show to any of them that somehow she was broken. But it was time to take a deep breath and calm down, time to execute everything her therapist told her to do. Azula always resisted when it came to express herself to the doctor, and doing the things he suggested her to do, especially because it wasn’t a fast process. But the firebender was willing to try. After all, she wasn’t there for nothing, she didn’t accept her brother’s help for nothing. She was trying. Slowly. But trying.

When the wedding day came, Azula lived the day like it was a regular day. Had her breakfast and stayed inside her bedroom. Of course, that was only her. She knew that Zuko was here and there — probably nervous — finishing the preparations and making sure that everything was perfect. His friends Aang, Katara, Sokka and Toph were with him. They arrived three days earlier to be with her brother. Suki took the day off and was with them too. Also, Ty Lee definitely was helping Mai with her bride stuff. With whatever a bride needs. And she would be Mai’s maid of honor, so her job was to take care of her until after the wedding.

Although, Ty Lee told Azula she would help her with her dress and her hair. The firebender didn’t even get surprised with that. Of course Ty Lee would go to her bedroom to help her. Normally, Azula would use the help of the servants, but it didn’t feel right. The only thing the servants did for her now was bringing her meals and taking the rests back when she was finished.

A while before the big event, Ty Lee arrived in Azula’s bedroom already dressed. She was wearing an off the shoulder long red dress. The only reason it wasn’t pink it was because the maids of honor needed to match outfits. And her hair wasn’t wearing her usual braided ponytail, although, she was with a side braid. The Kyoshi Warrior looked gorgeous. Ty Lee had always been someone who attracted everyone’s attention with her beauty. Not only that, but she was also soft and kind, the type of person who could keep a good conversation with you. The acrobat had a good and pure heart, no matter who she was dealing with.

Azula was already wearing her formal dress too. When Ty Lee arrived, she was staring at herself in the mirror thinking how she felt wearing that.

“Oh, spirits! Azula, you look stunning.” Ty Lee said touching Azula’s dress “It’s even better on you.”

“Thank you, Ty Lee.” Azula replied forcing a smile “You, huh… Look incredible too. However, it’s weird seeing you wearing something that isn’t pink or that isn’t a Kyoshi Warrior uniform.”

“I know, right? But not even the Avatar could convince Mai to let the bridesmaids wear pink.” She shrugged “It’s totally fine, though. I like the red.” They remained silent until Ty Lee spoke again “Anyway, let’s do something with this hair. Shall we?”

Azula frowned and touched her hair “Isn’t that okay enough?”

“Yeah… Well…” Ty Lee bit her lips “It’s good, I guess. But we see you with this ponytail and the rest of the hair loose every single day. Don’t you think you should give a chance for something new? I promise it won’t be a big change.” The acrobat was holding her own hands nervously.

“Something new, huh?” Azula raised an eyebrow and thought about the million _somethings news_ she should give a chance to “Fine. But not too much.”

“Yes! Great!” She smiled and hold a lock of Azula’s hair “Sit here, please.”

Azula sat in front of the mirror and her hair stuff. Then, Ty Lee started doing whatever she planned to do. Her fingers were softly running through the firebender’s hair. She reminded how good it was the feeling. Although, it felt different with her friend doing it. Not worse. Definitely not. But way better. The Kyoshi Warrior _wanted_ to be there doing a hairstyle for the princess. She genuinely felt happy doing that. And that made Azula happy too. Even if it was still a small and repressed remnant of happiness. That situation took a small smile of her face, while she looked at Ty Lee talking and precisely using her fingers to braid some parts of Azula’s hair. And she noticed that the young woman also couldn’t avoid smiling from time to time. Ty Lee smiled a lot, but those ones were special somehow.

“Done.” Ty Lee put her hands on Azula’s shoulders, waiting for a reaction.

Azula paid attention on her reflection. Her hair was loose except for two side braids that became one behind her head, with a small Fire Nation hair pin. It was simple, yet beautiful and practical. The rest of her hair was loose, but Ty Lee managed to make it get more volume. By the end of it, Azula truly liked the result.

“It’s great, Ty Lee. Thank you” The firebender smiled and put her hand over Ty Lee’s. She didn’t force this time, but still was a small smile.

“I’m so glad you liked, Azula. I’ve never seen you wearing this hairstyle, but it suits you.” She softly pressed her shoulders “Thank you for letting me trying.”

Azula sighed and continued calmly “Thank you for be willing to do it.”

After that, her hands were still together and Ty Lee looked down with a weak and sad (?) smile on her face. Then she quickly took her hands of Azula’s shoulders and started putting some make up on her face before leaving to see if Mai needed more help.

No longer after that, the time of the ceremony was coming, so Azula decided to look for her brother before he was surrounded by a lot of people in the party hall. She wondered how he was feeling right now. It was becoming reality. Zuko was not only Fire Lord, but he was about to become a husband and, with that, officiate Mai as Fire Lady. Then he would probably have his own child. The heir. Which meant that Azula would become an aunt. And she didn’t know how that would be. Would Mai allow her to stay close to her child? Would Azula allow herself to build a relationship with the future Fire Lord? No one could know.

She knocked the door and gently opened when her brother responded “Come in”. But she wasn’t expecting the unfortunate coincidence of finding his friends there. The firebender stared at everyone and swallowed.

“Hello, Azula. How are you?” Aang was the one who broke the awkward silence. His words were friendly and he was smiling.

Azula didn’t say anything for at least three seconds “Huh… Hi… Everyone.” She pressed her lips “I’m sorry, Zuko. I can come back later.”

“No. Please. You can come in. It’s fine.” Zuko said right when she was closing the door. Azula stopped and stayed there staring at the ground.

“You know what, Zuko? I hope you don’t mind, but we need to change our outfits too.” Katara said “And keep Sokka away from the buffet.” That made Sokka protest with a _Hey_ and the others laugh “So, we see each other later.”

And with that, they left the room one by one. Neither Azula nor the others said anything. But, for some reason, Katara softly tapped Azula’s shoulder and gave what it seemed to be a smile. Small, almost impossible to see, but it happened. The princess did nothing but wait for them to leave, and then entered the room, where her brother was already dressed for the ceremony.

“I knew you would look great in that dress.” Zuko smiled “And what did you do to your hair? It’s great too.”

“Thank you. And this” She held a little lock of hair “Was Ty Lee’s idea. She wanted to do something different so… Why not?”

“Well, it was a good idea. And I’m glad you two are getting along.”

“You say this as if we don’t spend hours together, Zuzu.” She raised an eyebrow.

“You do, but I things haven’t been so easy for you. I couldn’t imagine you letting someone braid your hair.” Zuko replied.

Azula sighed “Yeah, whatever. How are you feeling?”

“Good.” He took a deep breath “A little nervous too, to be honest. I need this day to be perfect.”

“It will, brother.” Azula smiled “We all know how much Mai loves you and how much you love her.” Her voice almost failed when she said Mai’s name.

“I’m glad you’re here, Azula.” He softly answered “And I hope you two at least talk more in the future.”

“We’ll see.” She swallowed and looked down. Then, the firebender took a deep breath and looked back in her brother’s eyes “I have to go. Good luck.”

“Can’t wait to see you there.” He smiled and hugged her.

Azula left the room and went to her place for the ceremony. She accepted to sit where the royal family usually sat, even if it meant to be near her mother and Kiyi. But the princess wasn’t close enough to feel that bad. She wished Ty Lee was with her to make things a little bit easier, especially because Azula could see the obvious around her, people staring and whispering; but the girl was busy being a bridesmaid.

The wedding started and ended rapidly. Mai was more beautiful than ever, she and Zuko seemed extremely happy and that brought some joy to Azula’s heart. Not only that, but the firebender noticed some tears in the Fire Lord’s eyes, so she made a mental note to tease him during their next practice.

Once the newlyweds left, everyone headed to where the party would be. Azula arrived there and found herself on some corner, she was quiet and holding an alcoholic beverage. She wouldn’t exaggerate, of course, but maybe she needed that to deal with the night.

As expected, Ty Lee approached her with a plate of food “The dinner will be served soon, but I wondered if you were hungry, so I brought these for us.”

“I’m actually n-” Azula stopped as soon as she could “I think some snacks would be good. Thanks.” And ate one slowly.

“What did you think about it?” The bridesmaid said but Azula didn’t even have the chance to answer it because she continued “It was so beautiful and touching. Their auras match so much. You know when you can just _see_ when two people are made for each other?”

“I guess?” Azula frowned “But yes, indeed it was beautiful.”

“Do you think you will get married someday?” She asked slowly.

Azula thought for a second. Would she? “Probably not. Which is fine, I think.” She looked to her friend and saw that the young woman was expecting an explanation “Look, you know that feelings aren’t my thing. Besides, someone has to be interested. This could take a long time and I like to be realistic.”

“I see.” She said with her voice low “You know, Azula… Sometimes people could surprise you. And feelings don’t have to _be your thing_. Look at Mai, for example.” Ty Lee exhaled “You just need to stop insisting on that wall that keeps you away from people.”

Azula turned to her and at the same second turned away. She took a sip of her drink and closed her eyes before talking “I built this wall brick by brick. It does make me alone, yes. But it also makes me safe.”

“But…” Her eyes were sad “At what cost?”

That question was something that Azula didn’t like to think about. Yes, at what cost? Not being able to get closer again to her best friend? Avoid the woman who never made her feel loved? Try as hard as possible not to cross the path of her brother’s wife? Only talk to Zuko when she had to? Not opening herself as much as people wanted her to because she just couldn’t allow herself to hurt them or understand that they could actually like who she was? Too many costs, indeed. But healing wasn’t an easy process, especially when the sick person made it difficult.

Before she could answer, they saw Mai approaching them. Azula sighed in relieve, because she had no idea what to say. This wasn’t the place or time to discuss this, but it already had far enough to stop. So, fortunately, the new Fire Lady’s arrival somehow saved what could become a not-that-nice conversation between the two young women.

Azula started leaving, assuming that her new sister-in-law wanted to talk to Ty Lee, but was surprised when she said “Wait” and made it clear that she wanted to talk to her. Alone. So, Mai gently asked Ty Lee to leave for a few seconds and stood by Azula’s side.

“Zuko loves you.” She started. Azula frowned in confusion and looked at her “For some reason, he loves you and made it clear to me how happy he is because of your presence.” The firebender still didn’t know what to say or if she even had to say something “See, I still have my problems with you, Azula. But things will be different now. As I said to you once, I love Zuko more than I fear you” Azula exhaled and made an effort to hold the tears that she felt coming “And, even though I don’t fear you anymore and still haven’t forgot some stuff…” She turned to Azula, who turned back to her “I want this to work. We don’t have to be friends or whatever. This is something that will take a while to happen. _If_ it happens.” Mai sighed and looked at the guests before continuing “But it needs to work more than this dynamic that we’re currently having. For Zuko, yes. But also for both of us.”

Azula noticed that she was done, but still didn’t know what to say “If that’s what you want, it’s fine by me.” Was the only thing that came out of her mouth, but she forced herself to speak more “I can help you make it work.” 

“I know you can.” Mai smiled. That small smile that only she could give “And also… Believe or not, I hope you feel better soon.” She softly touched Azula’s shoulder and left after the firebender briefly answered _Thank you._

That was something that she didn’t expect to happen. Not before the wedding, not at the wedding, not after the wedding. But it did. Mai not only wanted to make things easier to Zuko, but also for both of them. And said she hopped Azula to get better. Why? Although Mai wasn’t a bad person or anything like that, she knew that the young woman wasn’t like Zuko or Ty Lee. So, things clearly were harder between them.

But it didn’t have to be anymore. It never had to be hard.

After her conversation with Mai, the dinner was served. Azula ate and waited until it was a good time to sneak out and go back to her bedroom. Probably after Zuko and Mai’s first dance, which she self-promised she would watch.

The dance was beautiful. The way they looked at each other was something that Azula never saw before. She might had met love before, with her friends and even her brother before he was banished, but the firebender never actually saw it. Now, it was different, she was slowly knowing what it was. Through her practices with Zuko, her times with Ty Lee and… Even with what Mai said to her. Despite the fact that she was pushing this feeling away, she knew it was there.

When they finished and everyone else started dancing, Azula took a deep breath and went to the gardens. She needed to breath some fresh air and stop noticing people’s eyes on her and whispers about her. Avoiding another surprise seemed a good idea, even if the last one didn’t end being bad.

The firebender sat on a bench and leaned her elbows on her legs. She stayed bowed for a while, thinking a lot and at the same time thinking nothing. People wanted her to be okay, but why was so hard to do it so? She was better, of course, and knew it would be hard… But not _that_ hard. When she realized how empty her heart and her life were, how useless everything she did seem, how lonely she became. How everyone betrayed her. Her mother, her brother, her best friends.

And most of all, her own mind.

Accepting that this wasn’t going to happen anymore, even though she truly believed in everyone’s good intentions, was hard. How could Azula be sure that she wasn’t going to collapse anymore? How could the princess be sure that people wouldn’t turn their back on her _again_? How could the firebender be sure that she could be happy?

“I was going to look for you in your bedroom and saw you here.” Ty Lee said surprising Azula with her presence “Can I sit with you?” The princess nodded and Ty Lee sat, staring at the sky “It was as beautiful as the sky is today, don’t you think?”

Azula looked up at the sky “Yes, it was. They seemed… Happy.”

“They were. They are.” She smiled, but suddenly became a little nervous “You know that… It’s okay, you know? To be happy, I mean.”

The firebender closed her eyes and exhaled “Not this again, Ty Lee.”

“It’s just… It hurts me so much seeing you like this. I know you’re better, but at the same time it seems like you’re just in a limbo. Good enough to people leave you alone but not enough to… Live.” Her voice was louder and worried “Sometimes I even think if my presence and my endless talking annoy you somehow and-”

Azula quickly turned to Ty Lee and held her hand “Stop. This is nonsense. You know you are welcome in my chambers and that I don’t get annoyed with your presence and your endless talking… I actually… Like them.” She got up and exhaled again “That’s the thing, Ty Lee. I’m receiving enough just for being here and being treated politely. Besides I- I don’t want to give a chance of being left alone again. So, if I maintain this behavior, I won’t be disappointed. Ever again.”

Ty Lee got up and held Azula’s arms “No one intends to leave you, Azula.”

She stared at her friend and said without any stammering in her voice “People never intend to leave you… Until they do.” Azula looked down and then back to her friend’s eyes “But I understand. I know it was my fault and that I deserved.”

“But that’s not you anymore. If it was, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You wouldn’t be trying to change and seeking for help. What you did was brave. Not everyone would do it, but you did. You came back. You don’t wanna hurt anyone else. And people _forgave_ you.” Ty Lee’s eyes started showing some tears “Why can’t _you_ forgive yourself? It’s okay to allow yourself to be loved, you know? Everyone deserves it.”

Azula didn’t know what to say. She simply stood still and kept looking at Ty Lee’s eyes, who was holding her tears. None of them said anything. Ty Lee said everything she could and Azula’s mind was trying to form a sentence to give her friend an answer.

But she just couldn’t.

Her only instinct was to hug her. And bury her face on one of the girl’s shoulders.

Then, with that, _she_ started crying. A lot.

“Why?” She sobbed “Why are you like that? Why don’t you hate me?”

Ty Lee evolved her friend with her arms and answered softly “Why would I hate you?”

“Why _wouldn’t_ you hate me? I was awful to you.” She didn’t move. Her head and arms were still there.

“Because there’s no point on hating you, Azula. At least not to me.” She remained quiet for a second “I don’t care about what you did in the past. As I said, you’re here now and different. Changing. Looking for something better. That’s what it counts for me. The person you are _right now_. The person you are _becoming._ ” She felt Azula leaving her arms, but the girl’s hands still were on Ty Lee shoulders. The acrobat caressed the young woman’s arms and let her hands there “Besides…” Ty Lee looked down and exhaled “You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met and yet you’re so dummy.” Azula frowned in confusion “It was obvious but only you didn’t notice that I… Well… Had feelings for you. Romantically speaking, I mean.”

“I-” She started, but was interrupted.

“You don’t have to say anything, Azula. It’s fine.” She smiled “I thought I was over it, but then you came back and… I wasn’t. However, I love being your friend.”

“Ty Lee… Thank you.” Azula smiled. And just like when Ty Lee was with her in her bedroom, she didn’t have to force it “This isn’t easy. I feel lonely all the time. And about what you said… It’s not that I’ve never noticed. I just… I don’t know. I might have never been in love with you, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel different about you, if I said you weren’t different from everyone else. I don’t know how to explain, but… Anyway, as you know, feelings aren’t my thing. They’re hard to understand when it’s not about someone else.”

“It’s fine. And I’m not gonna lie, I hope this changes… A little… You know? Anyway…” She chuckled and caressed Azula’s cheek “You don’t have to feel lonely, Azula. You have people to support you. Your brother. _Me._ It will have to take more to get rid of me.” They both giggled “I understand that it can be hard and that it’s a slow process, but I’ll be here the entire time. For whatever you need. I don’t think this wall you built is healthy and I’ll be here to pass through it.”

“I couldn’t be more grateful for that.” The firebender smiled “However, it will resist a lot.”

“I’m not a quitter. I’ll be here how be here as long as I need.” She replied “But… Until then… I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“I know that you weren’t very comfortable in that crowd, so since we are alone here I… I was wondering if you would like to dance with me.” She looked down biting her lips.

Azula lift Ty Lee’s head with a soft smile on her face “I’m not the best dancer, but… I would love to.”

With all those words, all those sentences and feelings, and promises, Azula felt something in her heart. Small, but powerful. For the first time in months she talked about it. Talked about a lot of things trapped inside her mind. _And she was heard_. That sweet girl in front of her was willing to help the firebender in every way she could. She managed to be that small light of hope that Azula couldn’t find.

And then, surrounded by the green of the garden, the peace of the nature and the shine of the stars and the moon, they quietly danced.

In that moment, after years, Azula felt peaceful for the first time.


End file.
